What’s Eating Markus Meyer?

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I think it’s time for me to slow down and muse a bit. This week has been a strange one, and part of the time I haven’t felt like myself. I’ve had this generally introspective, unhappy vibe. Something is bubbling underneath and I want to figure out what it is.

I’ve been here for five months now, experienced a lot and seen amazing places. Last week I was on the East India Express, the last planned adventure so far. After returning I had a confirmation waiting in my inbox: I’ll be moving back to Finland on April 17th. As part of the arrangements with my visa, this requires me to leave the country for a few days, so naturally I got flight tickets to Hong Kong – great! Also, I’m finally registered at the FRO, so things are coming together quite nicely.

Still, something is giving me mixed emotions. Is it that my homecoming has now concretized, and there is now a definite expiry date for this journey? If I think about the previous months – December and January for example – there was no beginning or end; both my arrival in early October and the inevitable return felt like events too distant to be taken into consideration. There was, quite simply, only the now; the present and how to make the most of it. Now my thoughts are divided between what I still want to do here in India, and what I’m going to do when I return home. The focus has begun to shift, and with it a growing anticipation of finally returning home.

I feel this is a natural thing, and a fitting ending to a progression that has taken me through an exotic and complex foreign landscape. After last week’s trip I began to form the opinion that perhaps I’ve seen most of the key places that India has to offer. Still barely a scratch on the surface, but the big picture is beginning to take shape – and with it the mystery of this distant subcontinent begins to dissolve.

Is that it? Have I seen all India has to offer? Surely not. Still, with the exception of the desert areas in Rajasthan, I find it difficult to come up with other places that I should visit. Places that would add to the sum. Of course there is a myriad of small areas and nuances in local subcultures to be explored, just like anywhere else, but where is that next grand journey?

On the other hand the last trip was an active one; maybe I just need to recharge my batteries in order to fall back to my center of gravity. Or maybe it’s work stress – a lot has been going on lately. Maybe I’m worried about getting used to home again – after all, this routine that I’m used to now is a very different one.

Have I been invoked with the traveller’s curse?

I’m sure everything will be fine regardless, but these are the thoughts of someone about to enter that limbo again, that non-place between home and “home”. When it comes to this chapter in my life, it’s the beginning of the end.